I'm usually very careful about what I do; I make impulsive decisions, (by which I mean that I've spent at least a week talking myself around in a circle), try on at least 5 different outfits before deciding on the very first one, order from the same Chinese place and yes, I know my make-up was fine before but that eye's eyeliner was just a millimeter thicker than the other side. I don't like confrontations, I don't like small talk with people you get abandoned with at parties, and I despise the taste of tea.
I could go on, but you're probably wondering why I'm getting off tangent and what this all all bout huh?
To put it bluntly, I don't like not knowing, and the thought of the future scares me as it is. Which is why when someone suggested that I quit my job I was surprised to feel relieved and excited. Without another job lined up, I debated it for what seemed like forever. The thoughts of not having a monthly income was enough to make me start hyperventilating, let alone the idea that I just wouldn't be working.
Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
My limit had been reached, and if I'd listened to what people had been telling me for a long time I might have quit a long time ago. As the days where I came home and broke down became more and more frequent, and the weekly panic attacks became daily, I knew that I'd had enough.
I could go on, but you're probably wondering why I'm getting off tangent and what this all all bout huh?
To put it bluntly, I don't like not knowing, and the thought of the future scares me as it is. Which is why when someone suggested that I quit my job I was surprised to feel relieved and excited. Without another job lined up, I debated it for what seemed like forever. The thoughts of not having a monthly income was enough to make me start hyperventilating, let alone the idea that I just wouldn't be working.
Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
My limit had been reached, and if I'd listened to what people had been telling me for a long time I might have quit a long time ago. As the days where I came home and broke down became more and more frequent, and the weekly panic attacks became daily, I knew that I'd had enough.
Waking up on the day that I'd decided would be the last, I began to worry and put it off. I kept finding little things to mess with, things to tidy and clean...I was so nervous. I could feel a panic attack coming just from thinking about what they were going to say at work; would they hate me? Would they think I'm stupid? What if they don't let me leave?
The days crept by, and I didn't tell anyone until the notice was handed in, that way there could be no gossiping or people trying to talk me out of it. Saying my goodbyes, I began to worry and fret over whether I'd made the right decision and whether I'd regret leaving. But being only 20 without any commitments and a fair amount of money saved up I decided that for once I wouldn't doubt myself and just go with it.
I began playing it over in my head, thinking about what it felt like walking out of there knowing that what had been done couldn't be undone. I'd been looking for another job for months, and having decided to leave a job where I saw no future I decided to not jump right into another one.
Instead, I decided to try doing what I love; crafting and design.
There are a lot of people, some close to me and some who don't know me at all, who think that I'm foolish for not going to college or university to get a degree to get a 'proper job'. But the way I see it is that now I do have a proper job. I don't feel ashamed to tell people about what I do any more, I don't have panic attacks from stress and I can honestly say that I've slept better recently than I have in a long time.
I don't know what the future holds, and I don't know how successful The Paper Maid will be, but I'd rather say that I tried and failed than wake up 20 years from now in a job I don't want to be in, wondering 'what if?'.
So this is me, Charlie, a quiet girl from a small city who loves dogs and reading, who is British but doesn't like tea, trying to make her way in life doing what she loves best.
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